“You like me! You really, really like me!”

I ain’t no Sally Field, nor would I wish to be. She’s awesome, but she’s not me. That being said, I think I know some of what she meant in her 1985 Oscar acceptance speech for “Places in the Heart.”

Lately, I’ve been a bit down about the chances that “Loaded Paradise” has at festivals. Don’t get me wrong. It’s at least a pretty good little movie, and possibly even an excellent little movie. The acting’s excellent, the cinematography kicks booty, and the writing’s pretty darned good. Everyone who worked on this project kicked booty on it, and I’m hugely grateful.

And it hasn’t made it into a single festival yet (13 submissions and counting).

Now, I know this is a long game (wallpapering your room with rejection letters). And I know (I mean, I wrote the thing) that the story and the dialogue are going to be…challenging…for many people. But I feel like I didn’t really GET IT that “Loaded Paradise” just isn’t fare for many of the masses. For instance, I’m not going to submit it to any Disney sponsored festival. Period. Although there’s a family in it, it’s not their kind of “family film.”

And I get seriously freaked out by getting my work out in the world. Creating? Not too hard. Getting feedback from friends and pros? No problem at all. Submitting my work to a public forum where I may get accolades and (gasp!) financial remuneration for it? Seriously difficult.

And what’s that about, really? I’ve been thinking, and I don’t think it’s even that I’m worried that folks won’t like my work. I’m worried that folks won’t like ME. I’m worried that they’ll see the film and not only hate it, but hate me. And I feel, sometimes, like that will break me in two.

It won’t, of course. And I’ll keep submitting LP to festivals, and putting the word out there.

And right now, it’s hard.

la,

Ian